Lisa was 43 years old, past the age of marriage by most people’s standards. She had faithfully prayed for a husband for 20 years.
Then, miracle of miracles, Lisa met Ryan.

Ryan and Lisa became engaged four months after they met. Lisa had two bridal showers, ordered her bridesmaid dresses and decided on the most beautiful wedding dress she had ever seen. Then, Ryan got deployed.

When the day arrived for Ryan to leave for Iraq, Lisa arrived at Camp Pendleton to say goodbye. She was with Ryan’s dad, Ryan’s ex wife, and Ryan’s two kids. They all waved goodbye like a progressive hallmark card.

9 months later Lisa was the only one not there to welcome him back.

During the first few months of his deployment, her communication with Ryan was pretty steady, but eventually the letters and phone calls tapered off. A military chaplain comforted Lisa by saying Ryan was probably in a place where he couldn’t deal to much with life at home. If she loved him, she would wait.
She did.
In the meantime, Lisa turned 44.

The actual break up came two days after he returned. They held hands and sat through many pregnant pauses.
Then he spoke:
I still love you.”
Lisa’s heart jumped a little, thinking it all might have been a bad dream.
I think I love you too.
Do you still want to get married?”
He paused for a minute. Then he said “No.”

Months later Lisa found out Ryan actually did want to get married, just not to her.
Ryan remarried his ex wife the year after he returned.

The reason I know this story is the name of the woman was not Lisa. It was Laurie.
It was me.

In the months (and years) that followed my broken engagement, the loss of my dream led to a crossroads of whether or not I could hold on to my faith. In the darkness of disappointment, I struggled. But ultimately I decided to trust.

That choice became the impetus for my book.



— This excerpt is adapted from “Finding Faith in the Dark”. To find out more about this book, visit this link: